I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
