I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
