I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Even my vagina gasped.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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