Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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