giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
