just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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