We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
