Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
