So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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