Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
