So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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