I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
