Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Your penis caused this!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
