just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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