Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
