she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
so much tequila, so little girl.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
