Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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