At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
