Just fell off a train. Bad.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
home. puking in laundry basket.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
