ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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