at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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