I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
