You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
