Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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