hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
