you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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