why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Every concussion has its silver lining
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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