You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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