It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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