Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
