The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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