So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
