I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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