i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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