I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
