Have you finally orgasmed yet?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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