There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
