I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
