ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
