Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
