Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
