Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize