I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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