he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
do nipples grow back?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
