Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
