And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
