Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
