I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
