like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize