what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
