Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
