Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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