I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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