Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
