Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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