she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
