If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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