Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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