I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
