Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
