remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
