He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
