Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
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