how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
