just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
