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I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
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