we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
