dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
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i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.