you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
