ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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