he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Boobs speak an international language.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
