it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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