Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
