Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
