i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
