In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize