Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
