i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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