Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
