Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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