god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
