His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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