I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
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