you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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