I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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