Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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