to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
you made out with another girl for some wings
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
