When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
