Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
