did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize