I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
