We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
